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[EP93] Stop right there!

[EP93] Stop right there!

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Selan, Lady Ira




(The scene is outside the biggest bank in town, celebrating its grand re-opening after having finally finished rebuilding. We find our villains walking, rather happily, towards the entrance. Random bystanders just stare in horror as they walk past, climb the steps leading to the entrance, and throw open the doors… only to find that Quantum and Chandra are already in the middle of robbing the place.)

Baron von Boom:
What the hell is this?!

Quantum (pointing a laser at the bank workers, making them bring out all the money): Get the hell out of here, fuckers, I got here first.

Lady Ira: Aww man.

Chandra (on the other side of the room, watching the hostages): Sorry, guys.

Omen: Feh, let’s just go hit Second National instead…

Baron von Boom: Wait, wait, what is this? We’re just stepping aside?

Lady Ira: It’s like Quantum said, he got here first. Fair’s fair.

Baron von Boom: Don’t talk like that! This city is ours! We’re the alpha-villains, here, we can’t just let these posers take the best bank in town!

Lady Ira: It’ll be restocked by Monday, we can just hit this place then.

Omen: And what, “alpha-villains”? What are we, dogs now?

Quantum: Apparently. Now get out of here before I blast you to bits for that ‘posers’ remark.

Baron von Boom: Try it, I can take you!

Lady Ira: Stop picking fights with our buddy, Baron!

Baron von Boom: I’m not this loser’s buddy.

Quantum: I’m not your buddy, either!

Chandra: Boys, could we all just calm down…?

Baron von Boom: No! I’m tired of you losers stepping on our toes, here!

Lady Ira: Dude, they haven’t done any villaining in weeks. So they want to do a big heist for their comeback; let them!

Baron von Boom: They can hold up some other place—this bank is ours!

Lady Ira: Man, are you PMSing or something? -_- Leave them alone. Let’s go rob the GameStop instead.

Baron von Boom: But—

Omen: You know, I think you’re contractually obligated to listen to her now or something.

Lady Ira: Hey, yeah! I have leverage now! I can take away boob-grabbing privileges!

Quantum: Take away what? … ugh, nevermind, I don’t want to hear it. Just get out of here, already.

Lady Ira: We’re goin’, we’re goin’. Good luck, guys.

(Just then, Apogee busts into the bank through the front door, which is where Ira-tachi was about to leave through)

Apogee:
Stop right there!

Lady Ira: Aww man. You have the worst timing ever.

Omen: We were just leaving, so if you don’t mind…

Apogee: Nope. You’re all under arrest.

Lady Ira: But we weren’t even doing any crime today!

Omen: Well, we’re kind of wanted for all the other crimes we’ve already done…

Lady Ira: Oh, whatever.

Baron von Boom: See, if we’re gonna have to fight off the hero anyway, we should fight off the kid too so we can have all the money!

Quantum: Fuck you!

Apogee: Ugh, have I walked into another one of you guys’ arguments? There aren’t going to be any explosions, are there?

Lady Ira: No! We just came here to rob the joint, saw that Quantum and Chandra beat us to it, and were about to leave. Could you move out of the way, now?

Apogee: No can do, sorry. You might not be robbing the place, but you’re still under arrest. (He yells out to the bank tellers in the vault) And you can stop bringing the money out now, I’ve got things under control!

Quantum (also yelling at the tellers): If you listen to him, I’ll vaporize you and everyone else here!

Apogee: Don’t contradict me!

Quantum: I’ll do what I want!

(While still pointing a laser at the tellers, he whips out a second laser and opens fire on Apogee—while not really bothering to aim away from Ira’s group. Ira covers herself, the Baron and Omen with a barrier, but this also inadvertently shields Apogee as well)

Apogee:
Ah, thanks?

Lady Ira: Screw youuu, hero. >_< Ugh, can we just run out the back or something?

Omen (looking around): Maybe. (He lowers his voice) The place looks like it’s got a new layout… we’d need the kid to distract Apogee so we could find the back door without getting cornered.

Lady Ira: Hum. That’s complicated. Hey, Chandra! Know where the back door is?

Chandra: It’s—

Quantum: Don’t tell them! (He grins) They make for a good distraction.

Chandra: Oh, okay. (She shrugs at Ira) Sorry.

Baron von Boom: You little fucker!

Chandra: Well, to be fair, you used to use us as a distraction all the time.

Lady Ira: Well, yeah, but that was before we were buddies =<

Quantum: I already said, I’m not your buddy. (He opens fire again—Ira blocks)

Lady Ira:
Mou…!! Quantum, I’m so going to do something bad to you!

Omen (to Apogee): He’s getting all the money, you know. Why don’t you just charge, already?

Apogee: But then you guys’ll get away. Ugh, what to do…

Baron von Boom: Allow Baron von Boom to decide for you.

(The Baron stomps over, dodges a punch from Apogee and picks the hero up. He throws Apogee toward Quantum. Quantum ducks out of the way and starts firing at Apogee. The Baron smiles proudly.)

Baron von Boom:
There. Door is clear, problem solved.

Lady Ira: Aww… I’d feel bad just leaving them to fight Apogee.

Baron von Boom: Shto—!! You just said you wanted to do something bad to him!

Lady Ira: I know, but I meant more like hiding rotten eggs in his lab. I don’t want to risk letting them get arrested.

Omen: They’ve done fine avoiding arrest so far, and didn’t they have that new barrier device anyway?

Lady Ira: I guess so… ahh, wait. (She looks up) Hey, Chandra! Catch!

(Ira tosses a smoke bomb over, which Chandra catches)

Chandra:
Thanks!

(Chandra puts the smoke bomb in a pouch on her belt and runs over, laser in hand, to help Quantum fight Apogee. Ira smiles)

Lady Ira:
I guess I’ve done my part. Gamestop?

Omen: Sounds good to me.

Baron von Boom: Whatever. Baron von Boom’s good mood has already been ruined, some video games wouldn’t hurt. -_-;

Lady Ira: Oh, stop being a gloomy gus. Ikou, yo.

(The group leaves the bank, walking casually out into the street as Apogee, Quantum and Chandra continue to do battle.)

--End: Episode ninety-three
  • I read a story about people who stole from a Gamestop. They only stole the empty cases and then mall security was running over so they left. Next day, the employees get there to find all the cases piled up in front of the door. I think this group of villains is a little more intelligent... although I don't know about Baron von Boom XP
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