[EP92] Don't remind me
(The scene is Selan’s room. Xeno’s just gone out to go grocery shopping, and Selan’s trying to make Selanio read comic books with her. The two of them are sitting on her bed, a big thick graphic novel open in front of them.)
Selanio: This is boring.
Selan: Nuh uh! Look, the Flash is gonna—
Selanio: Booooring. You know what I’d rather be doing?
Selan: What, blowing stuff up?
Selanio: No. Well--- yeah. But also, (he leans in, putting a hand on her face, and kisses her)
Selan: Um… man, I’m still getting used to that. But—But anyway, the Flash, he—
Selanio: Wh—Dammit, you are the least romantic girl I’ve ever met!
Selan: I’m sorry! I don’t really know how I’m supposed to act in these situations…
Selanio: You’re supposed to kiss back and NOT talk about the Flash. Here, let’s try that again.
(He kisses her again.)
Selanio: Better. But still really stiff.
Selan: This is really awkward, cut me a break! I—I’m not used to all this—this physical contact.
Selanio: Yeah? (He grins, then leans over and hugs her. Reeeaaally tight.)
Selan: Aaieeee~~! Let go let go let go!
Selanio: I’m getting you used to it! Loooooove and huuuuuugs!
Selan: Too much touching! Too muuuuch!!
Selanio (letting go): Sheesh, woman.
Selan: Don’t be a jerk. =< You know I have issues.
Selanio: Yeah, yeah… (He pauses, then smiles) Okay, okay. That’s fine. Selanio is patient.
Selan: Thank you.
Selanio: Selanio will give you all the time in the world to get used to things! Selanio will be the best boyfriend ever, swear!
Selan (blushing): Aww, thanks, Selanio…
Selanio: Just one condition.
Selan: Eh? You can’t ask conditions!
Selanio: Sure I can! Relationships are give-and-take, da?
Selan: I-I guess…
Selanio: Selanio’s condition is simple. I want boob-grabbing privileges.
Selanio: What? It’s a reasonable request! It’s not like I’m asking you to have sex with me or anything else like that. I just wanna, you know, play with the twins.
Selanio: I promise not to do anything weird! Come ooon!
Selan: You’re such a perv!
Selanio: I am not and you know it! Come on, please?
Selan: … You just said please.
Selanio: I did.
Selan: That’s weird.
Selanio: So you can see how serious I am!
Selanio: You can keep your clothes on and everything. I won’t squeeze really hard.
Selan: Mou… Fine.
Selanio: Absolutely sure? Not gonna yell at me about it later?
Selan: Yeah, yeah -_-;;
(Selanio grins gleefully, pulls Selan over so that her back is against his chest, and hugs her from behind. He has each of his hands on her breasts. Selan blushes profusely, tenses, then relaxes. Selanio rests his head in her hair. His face looks like that of a content child.)
Selanio: See? This isn’t so bad.
Selan: No, I guess not…
(Selanio kisses the top of her head. It’s just then that he notices something in the corner of his eye and looks over to the door to see… uh oh, it’s Xeno, staring as though he’s seen a ghost.)
Selanio: Oh. Hey Xeno.
Selan (blushing even more): Xe—Xeno?! (She pushes away from Selanio and covers her chest, even though she doesn’t have to hide anything because she’s still fully clothed)
Xeno: What… the hell… is going on here?!
Selanio (getting up): Did you forget your keys or something, man, why are you—
(Xeno stomps over, grabs Selanio by his collar and pushes him against the wall. Selanio, of course, could be resisting all this, but he’d rather not let Xeno explode.)
Xeno: What the hell do you think you’re doing?!
Selanio: Getting yelled at for groping my girlfriend?
Xeno: Your—your—she’s not—
Selanio: She really is. Now stop being a loser and calm down.
Xeno: You—you can’t—
Selan: We really are going out, Xeno. Could you let go of Selanio now?
Xeno: H-how long has this been going on?!
Selan: A-About a week. We meant to tell you, I swear, it’s just we were trying to think of how to tell you…
Xeno: Wha—bu—you can’t… you two…
Selan: Aghh, this is so embarrassing…
Selanio: Nothing to be embarrassed about, darling.
Selan: And don’t call me that, dammit, it’s too weird!
Xeno (letting go of Selanio and backing up): You two… dating… you two…
Selanio: Dammit, here we got you all fixed up and now we’ve broken your brain again.
Selan: Selanio, shut up!
Xeno: I… I need some air.
(Xeno stumbles out of the house, not bothering to grab the wallet he came for. He gets back into his car, resting his head against the steering wheel.)
Xeno: What the hell… Selan and Selanio… his hands… aaghhh!
(He shakes his head—out of the corner of his eye he sees something outside turn green, under his powers’ influence, and fly back and forth with the motion of his head. Xeno looks at the object—a mailbox, now lying dead on the grass—with wide eyes. He starts his car.
Not long after, we find Xeno in Ipati Eirwyn’s hotel room, sitting in the corner in a meditative pose.)
Xeno (concentrating): Aum namah Shivaya, aum namah Shivaya, aum--
Ipati (sitting on the bed): Somehow, I really wonder if invoking Shiva’s name will help curb your destructive tendencies.
Xeno: Shut up, it’s supposed to be purifying. Aum namah Shivaya…
Ipati: Don’t you think you’re overreacting?
Xeno: You didn’t see it! His hands… he was grabbing her… ugh!! Aum namah Shivaya…
Ipati: They’re both adults. They can do what they want. Honestly, you’re acting like a kid who’s just seen his parents going at it.
Xeno: Oh, god, don’t remind me of that. Aum namah Shivaya…
Ipati (accidentally reading that memory): Oh. Oh, god, gross. Ugh… anyway, the point I was trying to make is that this isn’t a big deal. You could’ve walked in on worse. I mean, they could’ve been having sex themselves, you know.
Xeno (not wanting to think about that): Aum!!! AumnamahShivayaaumnamahShivayaaum--
Ipati: Would you stop that? Obviously it isn’t helping.
Xeno: It usually calms me.
Ipati: Well it’s not working today. (He rubs his temples) Look… why is this such a bad thing to you?
Xeno: Well they’re… they’re my best friends, you know? It’s a little awkward.
Ipati: It’s not as though you’re jealous. You aren’t in love with Selan.
Xeno: Of course I’m not. She’s like my little sister. And that’s… that’s exactly it, see?! God, Selanio is such a fucking hooligan! I mean—I know he’s my friend, but I wouldn’t want him dating my “sister”!
Ipati: But you trust Selanio. You know that he can be trusted with your life. You’ve seen him protecting Selan in battle. You know he cares about her.
Xeno: I—I know. It’s just…
Ipati: He isn’t good enough for her?
Ipati: That’s for her to decide, Xeno. You have no right to make those judgements. They’re your best friends, shouldn’t you wish them both all the happiness they can find?
Xeno: … yeah… I should… (He sighs, closing his eyes again) Aum…
(Xeno continues to meditate, finally calming down, as Ipati sighs with relief and takes some headache medicine. Meanwhile, back at the house, Selan is flipping through all the news channels…)
Selanio: What are you doing?
Selan: Making sure downtown isn’t being destroyed! If it happens again, I’m going to see it, dammit!
--End: Episode ninety-two